Reviews




 

Foreword

from the book 

Love Match, 50 Questions to Find Your Mate


Why another book on relationships you might ask? There are countless books on dating and relationships, but I have never found a resource that offers a checklist of questions to help me recognize the right life partner.

The idea for this book evolved from a recent romance. I had fallen in love with a woman and thought she might be the one. Although I noticed some red flags, I was in a trance in the early stages of the relationship and chose to ignore them.

This trance-like state is very common at the beginning of any new relationship. A trance can be described as “a state of rapture or exaltation in which a person loses their ability to see things rationality and clearly —  being in a daze, spell or stupor.” We are engulfed in joy and excitement and do not see the other person with clarity or objectivity. We are caught up in a fantasy.

 

One morning, after sharing a lovely romantic night, my new love drove me to the airport for an early flight. She kissed me and gave me a big hug. That is the last time I ever spoke to her! Two days later, after numerous phone messages and e-mails asking what was going on, I got an e-mail ending the relationship with no real reason and a refusal to communicate with me. Suddenly, without a word spoken, the relationship was over.

I was dumbstruck and fell into a period of mourning. During the following months of sadness, I regained my balance and reflected on some of the indicators that were obvious during our short three-month romance. I realized that writing down my thoughts and feelings would be a valuable exercise in my healing. I began exploring the important questions I had thought about but was afraid to ask her, or the ones I should have asked myself during the relationship.

After answering these questions honestly, I concluded I had projected my image of what I wanted in a partner and not necessarily what I found in her. I awakened from my trance.

 

With only fifty percent of marriages lasting and the other half ranging among leaping along happily, limping towards separation, lost in limbo, or stalled in divorce court, I concluded there must be a better way to evaluate who would make a great love match.

Many more people are waiting until their thirties before entertaining marriage. Others have decided marriage is an outdated institution and are content to live with or date someone long-term without a formal and legally binding contract, and some have elected to date, stay single. This book is for those who want a life partner to share this journey.

What clues, qualities and answers do you need to move to the next stage of a serious relationship where you consider a long-term commitment?

I decided to write Love Match, and by using fifty questions, I found my mate and was married within a year. We both used this guide to learn about each other, stay conscious and determine our compatibility together. As my wife says jokingly, “It was the worst pick-up line I had ever heard.” She was referring to my line about writing a book on how to find a mate. Well, together we use this vehicle as a fun and practical way to get to know each other and it worked.

These fifty questions and your honest answers will help you stay awake so you can recognize that special someone who may become your life mate.

The questions will help you avoid the hurt, confusion, and in some cases, the huge financial losses that can result from making an uneducated decision and marrying someone who might fast track you towards separation and divorce.

A checklist for the most important relationship of your life is both a sensible and required tool.

 


The book is divided into these five pillars or sections: 

Chemistry • Cash • Communication • Caring • Commitment

Compatibility is the foundation of this book and the questions rest on five pillars:

1. Chemistry

2. Cash

3. Communication

4. Caring

5. Commitment

 

Having just one of these five pillars standing strong is not enough to support a long-term relationship. An example comes from, Margie, one of the first women that I interviewed.

“Oh, the sex is incredible,” she said, “but he criticizes me a lot and he’s always late for appointments.”

“What’s the most important thing to you in your relationship?” I asked.

She looked at me, truly stumped. She had not stopped to think about her priorities in her life.

What kind of relationship do you truly want? Sexual chemistry is great, but what about your financial compatibility, communication styles, your degree of commitment and your level of caring for each other?

Avoiding these questions can lead to disappointment, a loss of time and a depleted bank account.

It may take a while to discover how compatible you are, but being aware of these questions will help determine if this person might be your love match. The more favorable answers you receive from these fifty questions the better chance you have of sustaining a passionate, kind, and committed union.

Anyone who does not want to talk about compatibility by addressing sex, money, religion, children, parenting, and communication styles is either afraid, hiding something, or immature.

If you find there are too many differences, hurdles or deal breakers between you, then the price of this project is a small one compared to the possible costs you may expend down the road.

However, if after taking this survey your answers confirm your strong heartfelt feelings for this new person, coupled with compatibility on many levels, you may have hit the jackpot and found your mate.

I hope this adventure proves to be full of fun, discovery and passion as you move closer to finding your Love Match.

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Compatibility Scale

Chemistry, Cash, Communication, Caring, Commitment

The compatibility rating at the end of each question ranges from 1 indicating LITTLE or NO compatibility to a score of 3, being SOMEWHAT compatible, to a 5 which means VERY compatible.

Using this scoring system will help you evaluate the pillars of compatibility as you navigate the many dimensions of getting to know someone new. The more 3’s and 5’s you recognize the better probability you have of growing this romance into a serious committed relationship which may blossom into discovering your life mate.

 * * * * * * * * * *


Question Sample:

Pillar One : Chemistry

Question 1

What type of relationship are you seeking?

 

Knowing what you want in a relationship dramatically increases your chances of getting there. It may seem like an obvious question, but many of the people I spoke with seemed to stumble through relationships without knowing what they wanted.

Are you looking for a short-term romance, a friend with benefits, or a long-term committed union? Would you prefer not to date right now and instead enjoy your time alone or in the company of friends and family?

Knowing what you want when someone appears in your life will help to determine if this person is worth the investment of time and energy. If you are on the same page, you can proceed and explore the dance of a new relationship. However, if you are in very different places, be cautious, because if the chemistry overwhelms or clouds your judgment, and you decide to venture forth with this person, you may have a rude awakening when you realize you were not listening when they told you what they were seeking.

Some people think they can change someone to fit their agenda. Bad idea. Others, blinded by their fantasy, neglect to hear, see or accept that the other person is not heading in the same direction. You can probably name someone, maybe even yourself, who has done this.

 

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